I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
