is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
