life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
