Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
