Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
