I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
