he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
