I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
