Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
