So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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