We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
