I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she peed on how many people?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
