I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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