He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
