If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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