what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You're like the curious george of whores
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
