another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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