Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
