Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
