I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
