The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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