just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
