I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
