Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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