So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
