Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
