epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
