Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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