plz talk dirty to me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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