I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The power of my boobs compel you
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
