My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
