Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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