there's paper in my vomit.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
