We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
