I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
