It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
