So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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