6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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