Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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