I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
