I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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