...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
