if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
