If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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