i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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