Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
