He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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