so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
