Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
