Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
