don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
