what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
