this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
