How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
