I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
