dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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