Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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