so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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