Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
