His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
