Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
